i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
