I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
