Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
