called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
