please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
