I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
