Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
