the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
