you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
