It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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