this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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