Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this beer tastes like vomit already
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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