What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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