i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
