I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
