I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
