After last night, I could never be a politician.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
