Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
