it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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