Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
