I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
