What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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