So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
