my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
