I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
