Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
