I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
