Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
