i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
