So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
