hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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