No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
