RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
