This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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