when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
