yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
