During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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