So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
