What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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