Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
