I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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