wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
