whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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