I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
