You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
