Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
