sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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