Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
