Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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