i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And then he peed in my hair
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